"Top Ten Things Overheard During Bill Clinton's Hospital Stay"

From the March 14 Late Show with David Letterman, the "Top Ten Things Overheard During Bill Clinton's Hospital Stay." Late Show home page: www.cbs.com

10. "A nurse is coming! Put him in the restraints."

9. "Strange -- his veins have no blood. It's just Crisco."

8. "Canseco's here with something that'll make you feel amazing."

7. "Five more heart surgeries and you'll tie Cheney!"

6. "When I told him no sex for a month, he pulled a scalpel on me."

5. "My, what a lovely bouquet from Osama."

4. "For some reason, he always forgets the surgical gown opens in the back."

3. "We removed the scar tissue from the heart, as well as several impacted french fries."

2. "Al Gore! When did you start working as an orderly?"

1. "Hillary wants to know if you would neuter him?"