Friday, September 01, 2006

Listen up, Democrats. You can win, here's how.

Ric Keller's seat is winnable. Here's our (Orlando Weekly's) advice on how to primp yourselves to do it.

Alan Grayson

Alan, you've got a hell of a resume; three degrees from Harvard? Holy crap. But there's also a good chance you're going to get your butt kicked if you come off as a weirdo, elitist snob. Here's how to prevent that:

Shave the goatee. It makes you look like a comic-book villain. As one political wag told us, If the Republicans are going to make you out to be the Antichrist, don't look the part.

Go ahead, show off the kids. You're a family man, and that always plays well. But do not make a point of listing off their names: Skye, Star, Sage, Storm and Stone. They're probably lovely and all, but this is Central Florida, not central California.

Speaking of which, the Wall Street Journal described your mansion as "pink-painted". You corrected them in an e-mail to us: The exterior tile is pink. The exterior paint is more of a beige. You know, like Cinderella's Castle. Do not describe your house that way again. In fact, you might consider a quick paint job.

If you win the primary Keller's going to paint you as a carpetbagger, so be ready to trot out your 10-year residency in Central Florida. That almost makes you a native. Make sure to act like one. Eat barbecue. Trade in the Cadillac sedan for an Escalade (preferably with flex-fuel capabilities so the environmentalists don't lose faith in you). Learn to say y'all.

Funny stuff! Read their advice to Homer Hartage and Charlie Stuart HERE.

1 Comments:

At 10:08 AM, Blogger Nicole Weeks said...

Priceless.

Now if we can only vote someone in besides Katherine Harris for the Republican race for the Senate. I don't know what people see in a typical lawyer from Tampa in Will McBride. Leroy Collins is a good man, but in not taking tons of special interest money no one outside the panhandle that is his home court knows who he is. But that shouldn't deter educated voters. Grassroots has always surprised the pollsters, and we should do it again!

We the People.

Now get out and VOTE!!!!

Nicole from Longwood
(working as an elections Clerk tomorrow in a Seminole County precint near you!)

 

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