Bush Gives Top Ten Positive Outcomes of Election

President George Bush, in an effort to lift the spirits of dejected Republicans after Democrats yesterday took the House and perhaps the Senate, this morning issued his Top Ten list of Positive Outcomes from the Election.

10. New York Times and CNN will carry much less negative news about Congress.

9. Rhode Island Republican Sen. Lincoln Chafee lost and Connecticut Democrat Sen. Joe Lieberman won, a net gain of two for the GOP.

8. We may finally get to see the Democrat plan for victory in Iraq.

7. Taxpayers will be relieved of the burden of making so many investment decisions.

6. Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum is now available for Supreme Court appointment.

5. Possible reduction in attacks on our troops in Iraq, since terrorists fear attorneys.

4. NSA agents could soon be freed from having to listen to annoying terrorist chatter.

3. Lynn Swann will be remembered as a great wide receiver during the Pittsburgh Steelers 1970s dynasty.

2. Since a lot of the polling places are in church buildings, millions of Democrats actually went to church yesterday.

1. C-Span could get a ratings boost for new reality show: Impeachment 2007

In addition, the president noted that “millions of American Democrats will sleep more peacefully now that they are assured that Karl Rove doesn’t control everything.”

Hat Tip to ScrappleFace