Thursday, March 29, 2007

Are you in the market for a slightly used couch?

Masturbating trespasser booted from frat
Woman refused to leave PIKE house in mid-afternoon

Police have been unable to locate a woman who entered the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house without permission on Thursday and began to masturbate on a couch.

While fraternity members were eating in the dining room, a woman entered the house's living room, took off her clothes and started masturbating, said LSA junior Dan Nye, the president of the Washtenaw Avenue fraternity.

No one saw the woman enter the house or knew how she got in. Nye said she could have entered through the front door, which was left propped open while it was being repaired.

Fraternity members asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour, Nye said.

When members asked the woman if she was all right, she casually replied that she was fine, he said. The woman was talking on her cell phone at one point, said LSA sophomore Adam Bayard, a member of the fraternity.

She walked out of the front door wearing only a thigh-length black coat after a fraternity member called the police, Nye said. When police arrived minutes later, the woman had already left.

According to a police report, the woman was between 20 and 30 years old, had short brown hair and appeared to be under the influence of drugs.

"Obviously, she was very disturbed," Nye said. "It was not how a normal person would respond to people."

The woman told fraternity members that her name was Melissa and she was a student at Eastern Michigan University, according to the police report.

Fraternity members said they will throw out two couches in the living room because of the incident, Nye said.

Police said the break-in appeared to be an isolated incident.


At 12:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh give me a break! Unless Frats have changed a whole lot since I was in college (more then 10 years ago) that couch is probably no worse for the wear then before her visit.

Did you notice, they let her use the couch for 30 min before they called the cops? Probably after she had finished her show they couldn't get her to go for a second act.

Jim in PA
(mean white guy)

At 6:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now this sounds familiar.. They weren't lacrosse players were they? I'd get rid of those couches pretty fast, before some slick lawyer like John Edwards, John Conyers, or John "for the people" get envolved, and scrape up some DNA from the previous weeks circle jerk contest as evidence for a lawsuit. She probably slipped in while they were all saying prayers around the dinner table, minding there own business. I'd be sure the frat broom is still there, or the lawyers will be claiming they used that on the woman also.. Just another isolated incident.. That is why you should always keep your doors and drawers locked.

At 6:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What! Throw the couch away! There are homeless people living in cardboard boxes out there. Donate it to the homeless. They'd be in heaven watching their portable TV, puffing on a cigar and laying on that couch under a bridge, or in the woods somewhere. Have a heart and donate the slightly used couch.. P.S. Have any pictures of the woman and the couch? Just curious.. might be able to identify her..


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