Thursday, December 22, 2005

Ten Reasons Why I Never Wash

A parish priest in Dublin, Ireland, got tired of listening to the same old excuses from people who don’t attend church. So he wrote the following and printed it in the Sunday bulletin:

Ten Reasons Why I Never Wash
1.I was forced to wash as a child.

2.People who wash are hypocrites. They think they are cleaner than everyone else.

3.There are so many different kinds of soap, I could never decide which one was right.

4.I used to wash, but it got boring so I stopped.

5.I wash only on special occasions, like Easter and Christmas.

6.None of my friends wash.

7.I’m still young. When I’m older and have gotten a bit dirtier, I might start washing.

8.I really don’t have time to wash.

9.The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.

10.People who make soap are only after your money.(Ain't that the truth!)

Additional excuses:

I get along very well without washing.

I work hard all week and am too tired to take a bath on the weekend.

The first bar of soap I ever used gave me a rash, so I haven't gone near soap since!


At 2:34 PM, Anonymous bill "the future antichrist" clinton said...

I don't .... uh .... wash .... , because I have a terrible singing voice, so I can't sing in the shower.

At 1:43 AM, Blogger Alnot said...

Thanks I enjoyed that. Here I thought it was because I was too poor to pay the water bill that I quit taking regular showers, baths, shaving and all sorts of cleaning while waiting over a year for disability payments to start after working hard all my life. I jest luvs my kind and caring guverment who tells ya you have to wait five more months after they figger out that you are disabled then holds back the first payment just in case you owe them money. I guess since I did not starve or dehyrate to death they are just all kinds of happy to pay me once a month for being tenacious enough to still be alive. Should I die just before the end of the month my family will owe them for the last month of disability paid. Thank God for family because becoming dependent on the government is a sure way to die sooner. I am not bitter and I am not even surprised because that is where socialism is herding all the cattle to. My church that I used to regularly attend was kind of a disappointment too since I could not afford even the gas money to attend any more and no one wanted me there anyway. It seems I spoke the truth found in the Bible much too often and it kind of unsettles most people. Even when done in a kind and caring manner with genuine love I find most people avoid the truth like a rash. God bless you for having an interesting blog to read. Your mad friend, Al of Alnot

At 11:51 AM, Anonymous bill "the future antichrist" clinton said...

Al said: "Your mad friend, Al of Alnot."

Is that crazy mad or angry mad?

What kind of disability do you have? Is it related to military service?

Please give an example of the kind of biblical things you've said which made your fellow church members uncomfortable.

At 8:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, I'd never before considered the similarities between washing and attending an institutionalised brainwashing program! Guess it's time I stopped washing...thanks guys!

At 3:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find that if you shove the entire bar of soap up your rectum and pull it out really fast seventy-three times, that you will get rid of all your dingleberries.

Jim in PA


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