The World's Snappiest Comebacks

From the Wahington Post...

If one will be remembered for a single remark, as the recently departed Lloyd Bentsen is, let it be for the perfect put-down. Most of us never get to experience the joy of excoriating an opponent with a dead-on, devastating riposte. We always think of it too late.

When Bentsen told a baby-faced Dan Quayle, "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy," he was following in the tradition of expert quipsters Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker and Winston Churchill, whose lines are still remembered. Perfect put-downs transcend their settings. In politics, the successful put-down supersedes any issues of substance, just as on the playground. There are certain yo-momas from which no one can recover.

One-liners can be devastating, but the beauty of Bentsen's put-down was the way it built rhythmically on itself through repetition and short, declarative sentences. In the 1988 vice presidential debate, Quayle, 41, had just finished comparing himself to Kennedy on the matter of experience.

"Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy," Bentsen started, and viewers couldn't help but notice the visual difference between the two men -- Quayle's boyishness and Bentsen's gray-haired, patrician looks. "I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine . Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy." Snap!

Ronald Reagan was good at these.

"There you go again," he said in a 1980 debate with Jimmy Carter, accusing the president of misrepresenting his record. The line was accompanied by a smile and a patronizing shake of the head, and the audience laughed, sealing the deal. Reagan: 1, Carter: 0.

For instance, after her breakup with Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman appeared on David Letterman's show and was asked how she was doing.

"Well, I can wear heels now," she replied.

There's a classic one of these about Churchill -- possibly apocryphal, but so good it bears repeating.

A woman supposedly told him, "If I were your wife, I would poison your coffee."

Churchill replied, "If I were your husband, I would drink it."

What's your favorite comeback?